


let me be the one who calls you baby

by alnima



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Mentions, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, But we love him and so does Zayn, Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, Fluff, Insecure Harry, M/M, Minor Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson, Ridiculous, which really translates to dumb Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-04-27 05:45:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14418963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alnima/pseuds/alnima
Summary: “You look lovely, you hunk of man meat,” Harry declares, winking at Zayn.Zayn blinks at Harry, his movements stilling for just a second before he continues to crawl into bed. He settles back against the pillows, wets his lips, and says, “What did you just call me?”“Hunk of man meat,” Harry repeats, and it sounds kind of silly the second time that he says it.“Right, I thought so."





	let me be the one who calls you baby

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stephaniereads](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephaniereads/gifts).



Harry doesn’t know why he came up with this idea. No clue, as to why he’s sitting in the back of class, with his laptop on and shielded from his neighbors-- all so he can research terms of endearment instead of, you know, actually paying attention.

Okay, that’s not entirely true.

Harry knows exactly what prompted this. Of course, he does.

It started at Liam’s place the night before, as all horrible things do.

++

Zayn’s still in class for a few more hours, and Harry is bored. Like, mind-numbingly bored, to the point that he’s desperate enough to do absolutely anything, like brave his lovesick best friend’s apartment and beg for him to enjoy his company.

Besides, Liam always caves and does whatever it is that Harry wants from him. And Harry’s hope right now is that they’ll go out for something like shots or just the entire bottle of alcohol. That’d be super freaking nice. Of course, Harry would have to let Liam invite Louis so that Liam can’t try to force Harry into a cab when he thinks Harry’s drunk too much.

Instead, Zayn will have to come get him because Harry’s going to send him a million texts saying that his alcohol is making him feel like he drank _Fizzy Lifting Drink_ from  _Willy Wonka_ , and if Zayn doesn’t get him immediately, then he’ll get stuck to the ceiling.

And if Zayn gets him, then that means Harry will be able to try and shove his hand down the back of Zayn’s pants in the cab and watch Zayn’s cheeks turn pink.

Zayn never blushes, and it’s a shame because Harry loves when he wears red in any shade.

When Harry finally makes it to Liam’s place, he’s surprised to find him standing in front of the bathroom mirror, putting some kind of gel or something in his hair – who does that anymore? Harry has no clue why he’s bothering, considering he just buzzed his hair again, so he doesn’t actually have anything for the gel to…gel, or whatever gel does.

“You’re going to look greasy,” Harry tells him, causing Liam to jump.

“Jesus, you heard of knocking?”

“What’s the point? Your door was unlocked, anyway,” Harry says, leaning against the doorframe and watching Liam finish whatever beauty routine he’s got going on. “Are you making yourself pretty for me?”

Liam snorts. “No, Louis and I are going out tonight,” Liam answers, matter of fact. “There’s this new restaurant that Louis wants to check out. Supposed to be pretty great. Then, I’m gonna take him to this dessert place, because he did really great on an exam, so want to celebrate.”

Harry rolls his eyes.

Liam and Louis are always doing this. They’re always taking each other out on these extravagant dates. It’s really the dumbest thing that Harry has ever heard of. They’re boyfriends now, for Christ’s sake. The whole point of going out on dates is to impress someone into being your boyfriend. And it’s not like either of them are running on a salary, with their shitty jobs, which is another reason to not go spending all their money on dates. But Liam and Louis don’t even need a special occasion, they’ll go out because it’s Wednesday and the wind blew the right way.

“Didn't you two just go out two nights ago?” Harry questions, remembering the text that he got. It was a video of Louis trying on to ice skate and falling flat on his ass before the video cut off. No doubt that Liam was swooping in to work on his superhero routine and come to Louis’ rescue. “Why are you going out tonight?”

Harry would have laughed at Louis and then promptly fell on his own ass, like any good friend who can’t ice skate would do.

“I just told you why we’re going out,” Liam replies. “And what does it matter if we just went out?”

Harry frowns because Liam is trying to spike his hair up with the gel, like he’s in sixth freaking grade. “Please stop doing that, you look like a freak,” Harry tells him. “And it matters because, aren’t you bored of going out?”

“Not really, no,” Liam says, finally rinsing the gel off his hands.

“Well, what am I supposed to do while you’re out?” Harry asks, realizing that his voice has raised an octave and he sounds like a whiny toddler. “I came over here because I wanted you to keep me entertained.”

Harry tries not to pout. It’s another two hours before Zayn will be home, and Harry wants to do something until Zayn gets back to distract him. His life is horribly boring when Zayn’s not around. He’s always bored when he’s alone, that’s why he needs Liam right now because Zayn’s professor would hate him if Harry broke into the class and attempted to call it off so he could have his Zayn back.

“Why don’t you plan your own date, then? I’m sure Zayn would like that a bit more than sitting in again,” Liam states, squeezing passed Harry.

Harry follows after him, his mouth hanging open because that’s so rude. Harry lies down on Liam’s bed, on his stomach so he can watch Liam filter through his atrocious closet.

“Why should I plan a going out date?” Harry asks. Why should he plan anything? It’s not his birthday, it’s not Zayn’s birthday, it’s not Valentine’s, or their anniversary—which is thankfully later on in the year, because right now it seems like they’re only going out at the start of every new year. And honestly, Harry doesn’t really plan anything for those either, because neither of them are all that keen on going out all that much.

“Don’t you think it’s boring to be stuck inside all of the time?” Liam asks, pulling off his perfectly nice white shirt and putting on a maroon colored atrocity that Harry’s going to definitely let him leave the house in with this attitude. “Aren’t you bored?”

“No,” Harry replies, frowning as he tries to think. “Wait, did Zayn say something to you?” Harry asks, pushing up so he can sit and stare at Liam.

“No, was he supposed to?”

Harry squints at him, trying to see if Liam is lying to him. He can’t tell for sure, but he seems shifty.

Harry sighs when Liam continues to ignore him, unwilling to give Harry any clues as to if Zayn is bored of him and their relationship.

Harry’s honestly bored of this conversation. They should be doing shots or something. They shouldn’t be worried about dates or looking for pants to match hideous shirts.

When Liam’s phone rings, Harry hopes that it’s Louis calling to postpone the date until Zayn’s class ends. Liam runs after the sound, tripping over his feet and falling onto the bed in his rush. He’s grinning like a fool when he answers.

Harry knows that he was right in thinking it was Louis when Liam says, “hey, babe,” into the phone. And of course, they’re talking mushy nonsense instead of canceling their date like decent friends because Liam is biting back a grin.

“Yeah, I’m nearly ready,” Liam says, sitting up and turning his back on Harry. “Harry’s here, so he got me distracted. No. Yeah, well, my hair looks awful.” Liam is pouting and Harry is tempted to rub a wet cloth on his head. “No, he’s just being whiny because Zayn’s in class. All right, see you soon, sweetheart. I’ll meet you downstairs. Bye.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Oh, sweetheart, I’ll be down in a minute, yes. Oh, I love you, darling,” Harry mocks, voice pitched high. “You two are so gross.”

“We’re a couple,” Liam says in response, jumping up to grab his shoes. “This is how you’re supposed to act. You should know that.”

“The only thing I know is that you’re disgusting.”

“Well,” Liam says, stomping into a pair of sleek black shoes, “I’m going to enjoy my date with my boyfriend, and you can sit here and whine while your roommate is in class. If you’ll excuse me.”

Harry gasp, his eyes widening and mouth dropping open. “He’s my boyfriend, not my roommate, you ugly toad,” Harry shouts after Liam, rushing after him. “And you can have fun, jerk.”

When Liam leaves, Harry reopens his door so he can slam it shut himself. Freaking Liam and his unwanted and very, very wrong opinions about situations he clearly knows nothing about. Harry has been in a relationship with Zayn for longer than Liam has even known Louis, so he can fuck off with his false accusations.

A few minutes later, when Harry is sitting on Liam’s couch with a bag of chips and flipping through Liam’s recordings, trying to decide which one he’s going to watch so he can delete it afterward, Liam comes stumbling back inside. There’s an angry scowl on his face as he stops in front of Harry, grabbing his wallet and keys off the coffee table.

“I forgot these,” Liam mutters, shoving them into his pocket.

“You forgot to knock,” Harry reminds him, motioning towards the door. “No key, no entry.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “You know Harry, maybe you wouldn’t be so bored if you and Zayn actually did something, you know, like a real couple, for once,” Liam says. And when Harry turns to glare at him, Liam’s gone, the front door slamming shut behind him.

++

Harry doesn’t stay at Liam’s place for long. He waits until the middle of the movie he selected is halfway through before he deletes it and thinks that maybe it's time he heads home. Honestly, Liam is going to thank him for that. It was awful and boring.

Liam’s place is actually the most boring place and that’s probably why he makes Louis take him out all the time, to save him from the god-awfulness of the place.

Harry stops and grabs a frozen pizza from the store because he doesn’t feel like doing anything special, and he really likes the way the dough tastes when it goes from frozen to cooked instead of freshly made to cooked, or whatever the pizza companies are claiming to be doing now. It’s gooey and wonderful, so he grabs a cheese and hopes that Zayn won’t mind.

When Zayn finally makes it home, Harry is pulling the pizza out of the oven. He offers Harry a lazy, grateful grin when he sees that food has been made.

“Hey,” Harry mutters, watching Zayn drop his books down on the table before he falls into Harry’s embrace, pressing a soft kiss to Harry’s neck.

“Hi,” Zayn whispers in response, breathing out against Harry’s neck before he pulls away, still smiling. “Have a good day?”

“It was all right,” Harry answers, unsure if he should say it was awful and Liam ruined it and now Zayn will have to beat Liam up to defend his honor. He settles for not mentioning it, because mentioning it will mean telling Zayn that he’s worried Zayn finds him boring, and he doesn’t want to do that. “How was class?”

“Fucking awful,” Zayn answers, grabbing a slice of pizza and taking a bite. “That girl in the third row told another story about high school, and how she totally knew from experience what the teacher was talking about, but it made no fucking sense and meant that we had to stay an extra fifteen minutes to make up for the time we lost.”

“Is anyone going to tell her to shut up?” Harry asks, pouring Zayn something to drink before he helps himself. “Wait, is this the same girl who tried to argue that the textbook was wrong?”

“No, she’s in my Monday night class.”

“This is the one that took a bunch of AP’s in high school, so she’s taking advanced level courses now.”

“Oh, Martha.”

“How do you know that’s her name?” Zayn asks, frowning. “I don’t even know her name.”

“I don’t know her name. She just sounds like a Martha, and it’s easier for me to use made up names in my head. The girl who thinks the textbook is wrong, her name is Brittany.”

“Her name is Cadence.”

Harry makes a face and shakes his head. “No, it’s Brittany,” he says firmly, taking a bite.

“I’ll let her parents know that,” Zayn mutters, grinning. There are bits of cheese hanging out of the corners of his mouth and his eyes are wrinkled shut. Harry wants to burrow under Zayn’s skin, right in his smile lines, and live there forever. “I don’t have much homework to do tonight, you want to watch a movie?”

“I thought you were going to marathon _Gilmore Girls_ with me?”

Zayn winces. “Forgot.”

“Hey, I watched all of those rock man movies, even the remake,” Harry reminds him, watching as Zayn bobs his head.

“They’re called _Fantastic Four_ ,” Zayn says with a smirk, nudging his knee against Harry’s. “But all right, you grab the pizza and bring it in. I’ll get my textbook and then we’ll see what disaster Rory is dating this time.”

“She’s still dating Dean.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Zayn mutters, causing Harry to laugh.

Zayn doesn’t really enjoy _Gilmore Girls_ , though Harry’s not really sure that he does either. It’s more of a comfort than anything else. Harry’s seen it all before and he knows what’s coming. Harry doesn’t even know what it is, why watching the show feels the same as being wrapped in a soft blanket. Yeah, the main characters are annoying as shit, and Rory’s boyfriends were crafted by the devil himself, if Harry were to believe in that sort of thing – which, with Dean, he just might. But every year, without fail, Harry finds himself coming back to the show, despite all of that.

As Harry starts up an episode, Zayn drops down on the other end of the couch and opens his books. Harry knows that he’s going to get his chapter readings out of the way before he starts on anything else—mostly because Zayn is one of those weird students that actually reads the chapters instead of just skimming through it to find the answers for the accompanying quiz.

Harry loves him and all of his massive nerd tendencies.

It’s halfway through their third episode when everyone is raving on and on about what a great guy Dean is (again), that Harry starts to realize what’s happening here. They’ve fallen right into Liam’s trap, right into his ludicrous claims that they’re not a real couple and they’re boring.

How much more boring can their relationship get than _Gilmore Girls_ and homework?

God, Harry’s going to get dumped or they’re both just going to-- He doesn’t even know what they’re going to do!

“Move your book,” Harry blurts out, before immediately biting down on his bottom lip because he has no idea why his giant mouth said that.

Zayn lifts the book up and waits, eyes still trained on the pages. Harry slides over tentatively, waiting to see if Zayn’s going to say something – he doesn’t, just keeps the book elevated in the air. Harry huffs before he shifts, twisting his body around until his head in Zayn’s lap and his feet are hanging over the arm of the couch.

This is romantic, or whatever crap Liam was yammering on about.

++

So, it started with Liam and his giant mouth. Because Liam just keeps the thing running and never knows when he needs to be quiet, and now Harry is hunched over his laptop in class and trying desperately to find pet names that he can call Zayn.

The first article he reads claims that he should have started using pet names six months into his relationship, which means he’s—Harry does the math on his fingers and finds that he’s two six months behind. Three six months? However many six month sections have happened from the original six months he should have started using pet names, and the twenty months they’re at now.

That’s how many months behind he is. Harry should have been calling Zayn ‘pumpkin’ and ‘peanut butter pie’ freaking ages ago.

God, no wonder they’re stuck on the couch all the time.

There are some names that are truly awful, like ‘meat blanket’, ‘poopie’, and ‘cheesebro,’ which actually came off of a list for the worst dog names, but it still counts because if it’s awful for a dog, then it’s definitely awful for Zayn.

There’s ‘Pennis the Menace,’ which has Harry laughing so hard that he’s afraid he’s going to get kicked out of class.

But through all of the bad ones, Harry’s able to make a list that he’s pretty sure beats all lists ever in the history of pet name lists.

It’s just a matter of finding the one that Zayn loves the most.

++ 

Harry’s curled up in bed, blankets up to his chin. He’s watching Zayn move from their bedroom to the bathroom, trying to get ready for bed. He looks pretty gorgeous, his face wet and red from his face wash, and bits of dried toothpaste at the corner of his mouth. His shirt is old and stained, one that he likes to wear when he doesn’t leave the house for the day.

And he didn’t leave the house, not even when Harry got home because they’re old and boring and losing their spark.

But Harry’s about to relight it because his plan is foolproof and he thinks he found just the right name for Zayn. It’s something that’s kind of odd but not unheard of. This way, if Harry were to call it out in public, Zayn would know that he’s the one being sought after, and it’s something that Harry would call him.

He thinks. He’s going to have to test it out.

Zayn tugs his shirt off, dropping it into the hamper before he flicks off the bathroom light and heads for bed. Harry watches him, swallowing down any nerves he has because it’s fine. He’s allowed to call his _boyfriend_ a cutesy name. It’s not as weird or as nerve-wracking as he’s making it out to be.

“You look lovely, you hunk of man meat,” Harry declares, winking at Zayn.

Zayn blinks at Harry, his movements stilling for just a second, before he continues to crawl into bed. He settles back against the pillows, wets his lips, and says, “What did you just call me?”

“Hunk of man meat,” Harry repeats, and it sounds kind of silly the second time that he says it.

“Right, I thought so,” Zayn says, nodding. “Why did you call me that?”

“I made a list of pet names. I want to start calling you something other than Zayn. I want to use something romantic and loving,” Harry explains, watching as Zayn nods once more, obviously pretending to understand. “Did you not like that one?”

Zayn smiles at him, soft and reassuring. Harry knows that he’s about to be shot down with just that smile alone. “No, not really,” Zayn admits, leaning forward to kiss Harry in an attempt to soften the blow.

Harry nods and rolls over, grabbing his phone off his nightstand so he can erase ‘hunk of man meat’ from his list.

“How many other names are on your list?” Zayn asks, when Harry rolls back over, looking down at Harry in amused curiosity.

“Quite a bit,” Harry admits. “Spent all of class searching for them. Don’t peek through my phone, either. I want to surprise you.”

“I was definitely surprised tonight,” Zayn laughs, reaching around to shut the lamp off. “Should I be making a list of my own?”

Harry shakes his head and then slides in closer because he’s cold and Zayn is always so warm. “No, you don’t have to. I’m just trying to be loving.”

“I see,” Zayn murmurs. “Not sure hunk of man meat was the way to go, then.”

“Yeah, sounded kind of creepy when I said it.”

“Just a bit,” Zayn laughs, rubbing Harry’s back. “I’m sure the next one will be a hit.”

Harry closes his eyes and nods because it will be. Maybe not the next one, but something on his list will work.

++

Using pet names doesn’t drastically change their relationship in any way. Harry didn’t think that it would. He didn’t think they’d wake up in the morning and everything would be different, that Zayn would make him breakfast in bed and then they’d have lazy sex, and then they’d have lunch somewhere that charges what Harry makes in two hours for a salad. He didn’t expect any of that.

Everything has been relatively the same. Harry woke up before Zayn, who was on his back, arm thrown over the top of his head, with his mouth slightly parted, still sleeping while Harry got dressed and then went for a run. Zayn was still sleeping when Harry got back and when he left for class.

Harry doesn’t even see Zayn awake until he’s coming in around dinner after his afternoon shift.

Zayn’s lounging on the couch, drawing pad on his lap. He offers a greeting and tilts his cheek so that Harry can give him a kiss.

“How’s my doodlebug?” Harry asks tiredly, standing behind the couch as he pulls his shirt off.

When he turns, Zayn’s looking at him, lips pulled up in amusement. “Doodlebug’s fine,” he says. “How was work?”

“Exhausting. Did you make dinner?”

“In the fridge,” Zayn tells him.

Harry pats his cheek and then goes to grab his food. It’s exhausting working when hungry, and all he really wants to do is just sit on the couch and watch _Gilmore Girls_ because Jess is here, and finally there’s someone that Harry can tolerate mildly.

Zayn lifts his feet off the couch long enough for Harry to sit down before he’s dropping them in Harry’s lap, eyes on his sketchbook as Harry gets Netflix going.

“How’d you like doodlebug?” Harry asks.

Zayn’s lips curl into a smile, but he’s still drawing when he says, “Kind of vintage, isn’t it?”

“It’s cute,” Harry protests. “You’re doodling, so you’re a doodlebug.”

“Is it on your list?” Zayn asks, finally looking up at Harry. Harry nods and Zayn’s smile turns fond. “If you like it, then…”

“Then I can use it?”

Harry sighs and pulls his phone out, balancing his plate in the other hand as he marks ‘doodlebug’ off his list.

“I’m sure one will stick.”

“I’m sure one will, snowflake,” Harry says, as he hits start on the next episode. He frowns as it loads, mouthing snowflake so he can feel the way it rolls around in his mouth. “Snowflake.”

“Snowflake,” Zayn repeats, and it sounds like he’s holding back laughter. “Isn’t that what racist old people call, you know, morally decent people now?”

“Yeah, you know, when I saw it online, I thought, ‘oh, that’s kind of cute because snowflakes are unique,’” Harry admits. “I really hadn’t thought about it until I said it out loud.”

“You’ll find one that works.”

Harry sighs and nods, already removing ‘snowflake’ from his list. He really thought that would work.

++

_I’m leaving the store, you sure you don’t need anything, monkey tush?_

**_no_ **

**_& y r u callin me monkey tush ? have u ever seen a baboon’s ass ? _ **

Harry groans and then switches from the message app to the notes. He swipes away from a new phone notification from Zayn because he doesn’t want to hear it right now.

++

“Did you take a cab, monkey tush?” Zayn teases, taking a grocery bag from Harry. “You’re back early.”

“I managed to catch the bus as it was stopping in front of the store,” Harry answers. “Also, you’re not allowed to mock my pet names.”

“Not mocking, just… testing it out on you. How’d you like it?”

“Think it was awful.”

Zayn hums, gently nudging Harry out of the way so he can unload groceries while Harry gets something to drink. “Is there anything normal on your list?”

“What do you mean by normal?” Harry asks, frowning at Zayn’s back. “No, leave those out, I need it for dinner.”

“All right. And normal, you know, like babe, baby, sweetheart. What’s wrong with those?”

Harry makes a face and shakes his head even though Zayn isn’t looking at him. “Those aren’t personal. Like, sometimes the waitress at that breakfast place you like, she’ll call me sweetie, and do I really want to call you something that some random lady calls you?”

“I guess you have a point.”

“Of course I do, duck,” Harry says, patting Zayn on the butt before he reaches for the broccoli. “And your mom called earlier. We’re going there for dinner next week.”

“Why didn’t she call me?”

“Did, you didn’t answer,” Harry answers, digging around for a knife so he can start slicing vegetables. “We’re having stir-fry. But we’re gonna wing it and it’s gonna be, like, deconstructed, or whatever they say on _Chopped_ when it looks like shit.”

Next to him, Zayn laughs, as he nudges Harry out of the way. “Are we going to finish _Gilmore Girls_ tonight?”

“We’re not even close to being finished,” Harry replies automatically. There are still so many seasons left to finish, but that’s not even the problem right now.

They’re falling back into their familiar patterns of boring, by staying in and watching Netflix, while they eat their food together that they made. It’s not even take out.

“Stop, put those carrots down,” Harry says, grabbing a handful and throwing them. He shakes his head when he realizes what he’s done and then winces when he sees the look on Zayn’s face. “We should go out. We shouldn’t eat dinner here. Do you have homework?”

“No,” Zayn says slowly and carefully, staring at Harry like he’s worried what Harry might do next. “Can I pick up all the vegetables you just tossed across the counter, now?”

“Yeah, sorry,” sighs Harry, running his fingers through his hair. “I panicked a bit.”

“I can see that,” Zayn laughs, gently touching Harry’s elbow. “So, where did you want to go out to eat?”

“Fuck if I know,” Harry mutters.

Maybe he should have planned something before he threw the carrots around the kitchen without a plan.

++

Harry calls Liam and gets him give up a restaurant name. It ends up with Liam inviting Harry and Zayn out to their night, and Harry really wants to say no, but he doesn’t actually have a reason for saying no, other than the fact he wants to plan a nice night out for his boyfriend without the bane of his existence – his best friends – stepping in and ruining it somehow.

But Zayn likes the idea of getting food with them, so Harry agrees, mumbling it angrily under his breath before he hangs up.

“Prince, are you sure you want to do this?” Harry whispers.

“Veto on that.”

“Veto on dinner,” Harry asks, feeling his chest swell up with excitement because this is perfect. “Okay, we should just turn around because I don’t think they’ve seen us yet.”

“Harry, we’re standing outside directly in front of their table. Louis just waved at us,” Zayn sighs, “and no, veto on prince. I don’t like it.”

“Oh, who gave you veto power?”

“I did, after monkey tush,” Zayn says, and then he grabs Harry by the arm and drags him into the restaurant.

“Okay, but you can only use it on the really bad ones.”

Liam and Louis are in fact there, but Niall is sitting with them, so Harry breathes out slightly. Because now it’s not so much a double date and Liam can’t do anything to make Harry feel inadequate as a boyfriend—which Liam shouldn’t even be doing in the first place. Not when Harry’s not even Liam’s boyfriend, he’s Zayn and Liam is apparently happy with Louis. Harry doesn’t have a clue if Niall is dating anyone currently, but he better keep his mouth shut about Harry’s relationship or Harry’s going to fling his dinner at him.

The restaurant is nothing special, just a typical burger place without all the bells and whistles. Well, the burgers have the bells and whistles, but the restaurant itself is fairly tame. Harry’s been imagining Liam and Louis going to wild and extravagant places, with champagne fountains and solid gold tables.

Not the kind of place with ketchup bottles on the table and that offers potato wedges for an appetizer.

But it works. It helps set the mood and Harry finds himself relaxing as the group falls into easy conversation.

Harry tests yummy bear and Zayn immediately vetos it under his breath, winking at Harry quickly before he asks Niall something. Harry checks to make sure that no one heard him say ‘yummy bear’ before he relaxes because the last thing he wants is Louis mocking him, not when it’s his lame boyfriend’s fault that he’s testing out these names in the first place. He wants to be loving and romantic, but he doesn’t want to be generic and predictable like they are, with their casual babe and love and baby, which makes Harry wanna throw a fry and watch it bounce of Louis’ fat head.

Harry notices the way Liam and Louis have their hands on each other at all times. Liam with his arm around the back of Louis’ chair, keeping his hand on Louis’ shoulder, and Louis finding excuses to touch Liam whenever he can. Zayn hasn’t touched him once.

Well, their hands did accidentally touch when Zayn swatted Harry’s hands away from his fries. And okay, maybe that wasn’t a complete accident, but still. There’s no touching. Harry is beginning to feel like he’s contagious or something, with the way Zayn’s actively not touching him.

Harry reaches out and slots his fingers with Zayn’s, clutching his hand tightly. Zayn lets him. He squeezes Harry’s hand briefly before taking a bite out of his burger.

“Darling, please give me a fry,” Harry whispers, causing Zayn to snort as he nudges his plate towards Harry.

“I told you not to swap yours for steamed veggies,” Zayn says, watching in amusement as Harry shovels Zayn’s food onto his plate.

“I’m trying to be healthy,” Harry cries, even though he’s definitely not being all that healthy right now. “It’s not my fault these are obviously steamed in a microwave because our friends pick out places like this.”

“You asked us to,” Liam comments from across the table.

“And it’s excellent,” Harry says, smiling cheerfully. “How’d that place you guys went to the other night? Was it any good?”

“Which place?” Louis asks.

“No clue, just know you went out when Liam ditched his plans with me.”

“We didn’t have plans, you just showed up.”

“Best friend privilege,” Harry reminds him, letting go of Zayn’s hand so he can wipe the sweat off on his jeans. It’s pretty hot in here, now that’s noticing the way their hands are both clammy and warm. Harry can’t help but make a face as he grabs Zayn’s hand once more. “But how was that place? Did you guys have fun?”

“Yeah, it was all right. Probably wouldn’t go back,” Liam says.

“It was fucking expensive,” Louis adds on helpfully. “Portions were microscopic.”

“What a shame,” Harry mutters, hoping that his sympathy comes out genuine and not at all fake like it actually is. “Zayn and I had a blast at home, eating dinner on the couch, and watching _Gilmore Girls_.”

“You guys are watching that?” Niall asks, and he doesn’t look like he’s judging them but Harry is ready to defend that show until this restaurant kicks him out for it. “Where are you at?”

“We’re just about to start season three.”

“Oh,” Niall mutters, and then he laughs. “Isn’t it weird how the supporting characters are better than the main cast? Like, Sookie and Michel are so much better than Lorelai, and Paris and Lane are better than Rory. It’s weird.”

“You’ve watched _Gilmore Girls_?” Harry asks, before perking up. He turns to Zayn with a wide smile on his face, watching the way Zayn tries to bite back his own. “I told you that everyone has seen _Gilmore Girls_.”

“No, I think you called me a nerd and _then_ said everyone has seen it.” Harry opens his mouth and Zayn holds up a finger, “veto,” he says quickly.

“I wasn’t going to call you a nerd, loverboy.”

“So what exactly is _Gilmore Girls_?” Louis asks, looking at Liam in confusion, who shrugs back at him.

Harry rolls his eyes at them. Finally, he has something that they don’t but it’s not even something good. “Sorry, this is a conversation for the sophisticated,” Harry says, taking a bite out of Zayn’s fries. “You two worry about your tiny portion restaurants, and leave us, to talk about the important things in life.”

Zayn shakes his head at him but Niall laughs, open and bright.

++

“What’d you think of the names I used tonight?” Harry asks, tilting his head to the side, causing Zayn to kiss his chin.

Zayn hums in response, kissing from Harry’s chin to his neck, biting softly on his pulse point.

“Were they okay?” Harry asks.

“I don’t remember what you used,” Zayn tells him, tugging at Harry’s hair and making Harry groan.

“Loverboy,” Harry starts off with first.

“It was okay.”

“You vetoed prince and yummy bear.”

“And nerd,” Zayn laughs, huffing against Harry’s neck as he slots his leg between Harry’s. “Yeah, didn’t really appreciate those.”

“I kind of liked yummy bear,” Harry says, tugging on Zayn’s hair until Zayn slots their mouths together again. “Now would be an excellent time to use it.”

“Please don’t,” Zayn scolds, biting down on Harry’s lip. “You did use darling, though.”

“Yeah, did you like that one?”

“I’d really rather have sex,” Zayn pants, rolling off of Harry. He runs his fingers through his hair and looks at Harry in equal parts fond and exasperated. “As previously stated, yummy bear and prince are not gonna happen. Ever.”

“What’s wrong with prince?”

Zayn hushes him, pressing his finger to Harry’s lips. “Loverboy, is not my favorite, and I’d prefer if you didn’t use it, but after monkey tush, I’m not going to complain if that ends up being your favorite.”

“And darling?”

“Surprisingly, the most decent one that you’ve used, however, everyone uses darling.”

Harry’s mouth drops open. “What? They do?”

“Absolutely everyone,” Zayn confirms. “Now, can we please have sex?”

Harry grins and rolls on top of Zayn, shaking his hear into Zayn’s eyes and making Zayn laugh while he complains about Harry’s knee pinching the skin of his thigh.

“I’ve always got time for sex with my Ironman.”

“Oh god, shut up,” Zayn groans, leaning up to kiss Harry.

++

For the first time all semester, Harry gets to class early. He spends five minutes standing in the hallway because he’s not sure if he’s in the right place without all the people in the room.

Louis finds him standing outside, peeking in through the classroom window, slowly sipping his coffee.

“What are you doing?” Louis asks, causing Harry to jump.

“Waiting for you,” Harry tells him, smiling briefly as he tugs open the door. “I didn’t want to go in without you.”

“Sure, I’ll pretend to believe that,” Louis mutters, shaking his head as he guides them towards their seats. “Actually, I’m really glad that you’re here on time because I want to talk to you about something.”

Harry drops his stuff down and then takes his seat. It feels different when he’s on time. There are fewer people around him and he actually has foot room to stretch out. Plus, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable because the teacher isn’t glaring at him.

“All right, shoot.”

“So, did you have fun the other night when the five of us were out?”

“Yeah, why?”

Louis sighs and scratches at his chin like he’s actually thinking about what he’s going to say instead of just letting his mouth figure it out on the way out. “Liam thinks you were acting strange, like you’re mad at him or something.”

“I don’t know what Liam is talking about and I don’t think Liam knows what he’s talking about,” Harry answers, smiling sweetly as he sucks at his straw. “Everything was fine. Maybe Liam is just running his mouth again about things he knows nothing about. You should know he loves to do that.”

“Right. So why are you angry with him?”

“I’m not angry.” Louis rolls his eyes and Harry sighs. “It’s nothing.”

Harry doesn’t want to get into it, least of all with Louis, who is going to side with Liam and just make Harry feel worse about his relationship and how he keeps Zayn locked inside of their apartment watching _Gilmore Girls_ and doing homework. It’s like their sixteen or something, and their moms have to take them everywhere and they need to save up their allowances just to go out together.

Harry doesn’t need another person to tell him inadvertently that he’s an awful boyfriend. He’s good on that. In fact, he’s likely to dump his iced coffee on the next person who even tries to mention his relationship to him.

“Well, if it is something, you should talk to him about it. He’s kind of worried.”

Harry sighs and nods, rubbing at his temples to push away the headache that’s forming. “I will,” he mumbles, wondering why it’s only been two minutes and not two hours so he can go home already. “What are you two doing tonight?”

“Nothing, actually,” Louis tells him, causing Harry to turn and look at him. “Liam wants to stay in tonight. We’re trying to be more domestic lately, you know, to broaden our relationship or whatever. I don’t know, Liam’s been kind of into staying at home lately.”

Harry glares, biting back a retort because what kind of game is Liam trying to play with him now? Is Liam trying to steal his and Zayn’s thunder? First, Liam thinks he’s the better boyfriend because he goes out, and now he thinks that he can take over the lazy, stay-at-home and do nothing thing that Harry has going for him? As fucking if he can.

++

“Come be a good boyfriend and do my homework,” Harry mutters, shoving his textbooks away. “I need to watch Paris make the worst decision of her life.”

“You’ve said about that her three times already.”

“Paris isn’t Lorelai’s daughter,” Harry says, knowing that Zayn only half listens when Harry complains about the episodes they watch together. “I’ve said it about Rory, not about Paris. Paris is great.”

“Paris is kind of aggressive.”

“God, you don’t even know what you’re talking about, Bubba,” Harry groans, slamming his textbook shut because he’s not going to read these chapters and who cares about the quiz. Not him. “What?” He asks, noticing the way Zayn is looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

“I love you, but please never call me Bubba again.”

“Oh. What’s wrong with it?”

“It feels like we’re brothers, or like I’m your kid.”

“Oh, should I call you daddy, then?” Harry asks, winking.

Zayn snorts and glances back down at his textbook, ignoring Harry. It’s probably for the best, honestly. Harry doesn’t know what he’s doing most days, but he definitely doesn’t know what he’s doing right now when his brain is all fuzzy from too much academic reading.

“Are you doing something important?” Harry asks, climbing up off the floor and onto the couch. He waits until Zayn looks at him shakes his head before he shoves Zayn’s textbooks onto the ground and lies down on top of him, resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder.

Zayn shifts, spreading his legs so Harry can fall in-between them, lying comfortably across Zayn’s chest.

“Touch my hair,” Harry demands, using his elbow to try and nudge Zayn’s hand upwards.

Zayn complies, running his fingers through Harry’s hair in just the way that Harry likes. Zayn doesn’t complain about the way they’re lying, even though Harry knows that Zayn’s arm is going to fall asleep soon, and maybe even his legs with the way Harry is lying. Instead, he runs his fingers through Harry’s hair and hums when Harry complains about Rory, about Paris’s new boyfriend, and about Lorelai being an absolute brat to her parents yet again.

It’s nice and it’s comfortable, just the way things usually are, but Harry’s tired and wants all of Zayn’s attention on him right now.

“You’re my favorite squishy,” he sighs, closing his eyes as he snuggles down against Zayn, pressing a kiss to Zayn’s chest. “Absolute favorite.”

“Squishy,” Zayn repeats.

“It worked for Dory.”

“Wait, are you calling me a name from Finding Nemo?”

Harry shrugs, which causes him to dig an elbow into Zayn’s ribs, so he shimmies around until he’s between the couch and Zayn. But he’s still draped across Zayn so it’s fine. “It worked for Dory, so I figured I’d give it a shot.”

“Wasn’t she stung by that jellyfish right after saying that?”

Harry frowns, trying to remember the movie and when exactly squishy was said. “You’re right, I won’t use it until we’re fighting and I know you’re right.”

“You falling asleep down there?” Zayn asks, tugging gently at Harry’s hair.

“Mm,” Harry hums, squeezing Zayn’s side. “Pause it so we can sleep, I’m tired.”

“If you sleep now, you won’t sleep later.”

“Then we’ll have sex later,” Harry mumbles, feeling his face vibrate from Zayn’s laughter. “Sounds good to me, where’s the remote?”

“At the other end of the couch.”

Harry groans. “No,” he whines, dragging the word out. “It’s fine. It’ll be fine, just let it play until Netflix asks us if we’re still here.”

“All right, go to sleep, squishy,” Zayn says, and Harry nods because that’s a good idea.

++

With Louis and Liam’s new desire to spend more time together in their own place, they start to invite people over. To show off their super awesome and super romantic and super _super_ relationship. Harry could gag at how pathetic they are and how much he hates them now.

Okay, he doesn’t really hate them. Harry just hates the way they make him feel like he’s not enough for his own relationship, which is a dumb thought to have because they’re not even doing anything.

During dinner, which is just pizza, they keep their hands to themselves and that’s more than Harry can say. He spends the meal sitting in Zayn’s lap, an act that only causes Zayn to raise his eyebrows at him. Niall just scoots over a little to make room for Harry, and since they’re sitting on the couch, Harry’s also partially in Niall’s lap, so he’s grateful that Niall doesn’t say anything.

It’s not until they’re just sitting around drinking beer and talking that Harry really starts to get annoyed with Liam and Louis, because everything that’s happening, the hanging out on the couch and talking is _their_ thing. This is what Zayn and Harry do, and now all of sudden it’s good enough. Now it makes a couple and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be locked up in your apartment.

It’s bullshit and Harry hates that he’s been doing everything he can to try and prove that he’s a decent boyfriend and he’s in a valid relationship, while they’re waltzing through territory that’s not theirs like it is.

It grates on his nerves, even though it shouldn’t. Harry is hyper-aware of the fact that he’s being awful and obnoxious, and downright rude to his friends right now. He doesn’t even need the looks at Zayn keeps shooting him like he’s confused and worried, but also partially annoyed. Harry’s aware of it. He doesn’t need to see the way Niall’s eyes go wide every time Harry lashes out about something minuscule, or when Louis’ snaps at him to chill the fuck out, while Liam frowns at him.

Harry doesn’t need any of this. He wants to bash himself upside the head just to get himself to stop because he feels like some big uncontrollable monster right now.

++

Zayn is silent when they get home. In the eerie way that lets Harry know they’re going to fight and it’s not going to be a fun time, and Harry should just keep his mouth shut until Zayn is ready to talk about it or he’s going to make it exceptionally worse.

Harry feels like he’s walking on eggshells, as he gets ready for bed. He’s not even tired, but it feels like the only thing he can do that’s not going to cause Armageddon for his relationship. He has to actively bite down on his bottom lip so he doesn’t provoke Zayn.

Zayn, for the most part, keeps his back to Harry at all times. He disappears into the bathroom immediately after they get home, and spends nearly forty minutes in the shower before he comes out in his towel. He’s not even naked, that’s how pissed he is at Harry.

Harry sighs and sits down on the edge of the bed, putting his face in his hands.

“What the fuck happened tonight?” Zayn asks, slamming shut their dresser drawer. “Seriously, what the fuck was that?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Harry mutters, even though he knows it’s the absolute worst thing that he could say right now.

“No, we’re going to talk about it,” Zayn says, and Harry can hear him move closer. “I’ve been ignoring your weird behavior long enough, but you crossed a line tonight. You were an absolute fucking dick to our friends, who I’m pretty sure will never speak to us again.”

“They’ll speak to us again. You work with Niall and have econ with Liam.”

“Fine, they’ll speak to me again, but I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t want to speak with _you_ , again.”

“I’m just an asshole,” Harry groans, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. “I’ll text them later and say I’m sorry. It’ll give them time to not want to slaughter me.”

“No, come on,” Zayn says, tapping Harry’s wrists to try and get him to look up at him. Harry has to count to thirty before he feels like he can face Zayn. He doesn’t know what to tell him and doesn't know what he can say to properly convey that he just wants to be better.

When Harry finally glances up at Zayn, he doesn’t look as angry with him. He looks concerned, which is worse, but better because he’s not going to yell.

“I want us to be a better couple,” Harry admits and then winces because that is not the best place to start. “Liam implied that we were boring, and you were bored with me, and I thought that maybe you said something to him but he wouldn’t admit that you did. And then, he was saying that we’re not romantic or loving.”

“I don’t understand,” Zayn tells him.

Harry sighs and then shrugs because maybe it’s one of those, you had to be there kind of things. “He just said that’s how couples are, you know, they go out and call each other dumb names. He made it seem like you said something, and I thought he was full of shit until I realized that’s all we do. We have butt indents on our couch.”

“It’s because we bought it secondhand, not because we never get off it.”

“The details don’t matter,” Harry says, shaking his head. “I just realized that I thought going out and all that stuff didn’t really matter once you actually had a boyfriend, but, like, we don’t do anything that couples do.”

Zayn sighs, shaking his head. “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Zayn laughs, nudging Harry’s chin until he’s looking up at him instead of at the tiny hole in Zayn’s shirt. “Louis and Liam are a different couple than we are. They can’t sit still. They _enjoy_ going out. They hate sitting at home. Going out has nothing to do with them being a model couple.”

“Liam made it seem like—“

“Liam was just trying to piss you off. He doesn’t actually think you’re a shitty boyfriend,” Zayn assures him. “I like not going out. I love sitting on the couch with you and doing nothing. I love that you shove my homework off my lap so you can take a nap. I love how you do naked yoga while I’m half asleep and eating a bowl of cereal on the weekends. I love how we cook dinner together and then watch shitty shows on Netflix, before we crawl into bed together. I like how you sneak into the shower with me after class because you’re tired and you don’t want to wait to say hi. Harry, I like the things we do together here.”

“But what about going out?”

“I like that, too, but not nearly as much as I like just being in our own space,” Zayn says. “I don’t need fancy expensive dinners, or to get drunk every night, or to be called cuddle bear or whatever other names you found online.”

Harry looks up at Zayn and tries to see if there’s anything there, any flicker of a lie in his words that Harry can detect written across Zayn’s features. Zayn doesn’t look like he’s trying to pacify Harry in any way. He does look a bit exhausted, but mostly he’s amused like he can’t believe he’s dating someone like Harry, who goes on an all-out tantrum because he listens to someone like Liam Payne.

“So we’re not a shitty couple?”

“No, fuck that, we’re the best couple.”

“Hell yeah, we are, aren’t we, prince charming,” Harry says, wrapping himself around Zayn falling back onto the bed. Zayn comes down on top of him, laughing as he braces his arms on the bed on both sides of Harry’s head.

“Please never call me one of those awful names again.”

“I don’t know, I kind of liked a couple of them,” Harry says. “Didn’t you like some?”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “I don’t know, hunk of man meat was okay,” he lies, and Harry knows it’s just to entertain him so he kisses him, and promises himself that he’s going to show Zayn right now how he’s the best boyfriend in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt that asked me to finish something I started. This was started in 2014 and then promptly thrown out. Now, it's finished. I hope you enjoyed it.


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